My Heart Hurts

Kyson started Kindergarten over a week ago and did so well as far as being excited to go to school and riding the bus for the first week.  Teg and Kyson told me that when they get to school Tegan walks Kyson to his class door and then goes to his class and each time Kyson gets really sad.  On Monday he started to get a little sad in the mornings before going to the bus stop, but was still being brave to go to school.  On Wednesday he started to really struggle and cried before going to the bus stop.  We said a prayer and he was very brave.  That day Tegan and Kyson both came home and told me that Kyson was crying and the "really nice recess lady" walked Kyson over to Tegan so he could give him a hug and make him feel better. 

For the past couple of nights Kyson has cried before going to bed and when I talk to him about it he tells me he is sad to leave me and doesn't want to go to school.  Well, yesterday morning he woke up crying and telling me that he didn't want to go to school because he didn't want to leave me and school is boring because you just have to sit there.  I talked with him for a bit and he stopped crying.  I got him his cereal for breakfast and then all of the sudden he started crying hard and yelled out, "my heart hurts so bad"  It broke my heart.  I hate that I have to pretend to be the strong one because really I just wanted to hold him and cry with him, but since I need to teach him to be brave I have to be the example. I told him to say a prayer and he said, "I already did and it didn't work."   I talked to him about maybe taking a family picture to school because that's what helped Tegan last year when he was having a really hard time. He agreed and I got a family picture for him.  When I handed it to him he started crying some more and said, "that makes my heart hurt even more when I see you"  : (  I asked him if he wanted to leave it home and he said no.  So I put it in his backpack and told him he didn't have to look at it, but if he wanted to, it was in his backpack. 

We said a family prayer and walked over to the bus stop.  The whole time he held my hand and cried.  I knelt down next to him and told him he was very brave.  It was then time to go.  He got on the bus and sat next to the window with Tegan by his side.  He just waved to me as the bus pulled away with big tears running down his face. 

Being a mom is so heartbreaking at times. I wanted to just roll up in a ball and cry for my little man.  I wish so badly I could take my boys fears and hurts away, but I can't.  I just hope and pray that it gets easier for my Kyson.  I don't like to see them sad and scared.  I love my boys so much and hate to see them struggle.  Let's hope next week goes a little better for Kyson's sake.  Poor buddy!!